Category: LIFE

In lifestyle financial planning, striking the right balance between empathy and codependency is essential to building healthy relationships while maintaining personal well-being. A recent tweet by Dr Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) highlighted the differences between empathy and codependency.

Empathy means understanding a person’s feelings and being able to put ourselves in their shoes. In the context of financial planning, empathy allows us to be aware of and attuned to the emotions and perspectives of others. By actively listening and offering support from a place of compassion or curiosity, we can create authentic, safe relationships where we can all feel seen, heard, and understood. This emotional connection is invaluable in helping us make important financial decisions that align with our values and life goals.

On the other hand, codependency involves chronic neglect of ourselves and the tendency to go into “rescuer” or “fixer” mode when someone shares their emotions. In financial planning, codependency can manifest as giving unsolicited advice, agreeing to help friends and family at the cost of our own emotional well-being, or trying to rescue them from their own actions. It’s crucial to remember that our role is not to fix others’ issues, but to love, support and empower them to make informed decisions.

When we’re in fixer mode, we may feel uncomfortable or anxious with our own emotions and try to change someone else’s situation instead of understanding their feelings. This lack of boundaries can lead to feelings of burnout, resentment, or being taken for granted.

To avoid codependency in lifestyle financial planning, we must practice “holding space” for others without interjecting our own feelings. If we notice the impulse to give advice or “fix” the situation, we should remind ourselves that we are only responsible for our own decisions, not everyone else’s.

To strike the right balance between empathy and codependency, it’s crucial to maintain clear boundaries and an awareness of our roles in the lives of others. If we are asked for help or support and are in a space to provide that assistance, we can offer our expertise and resources. However, if we aren’t asked for help, we must release our role of trying to rescue others and focus on empowering them to make their own decisions.

By cultivating empathy, we can create safe and authentic relationships with others while maintaining clear boundaries and avoiding the pitfalls of codependency. This approach allows us to guide ourselves and others towards financial decisions that align with values and goals, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life for all of us.

Our mindset is crucial to our financial success. Dealing with our money can quickly become an obsessive task; either focusing solely on the amount we’re lacking or missing, or becoming obsessed with saving and storing up, we can sometimes do more harm than good. This is why mindset plays a significant role in how we approach financial planning.

Whilst a miss is as good as a mile, at the same time, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.

To achieve balance in our financial lives, adopting a mindset that “just enough” is actually a very healthy space in which to be, can be helpful. This means recognising that while saving and investing for the future is essential, enjoying life in the present is also crucial. With this mindset, we can create a financial plan that prioritises our long-term goals while still allowing us to live comfortably in the present.

“Just enough”, however, is not a number; it’s actually a lifestyle choice. Yes, it’s sometimes represented by a number, but it will constantly change with our lives and situations. And, it is explored through a process of working with some of the following ideas:

• Identify your long-term financial goals: Determine what you want to achieve in the future, such as buying a home, starting a family, or retiring comfortably. This will help you understand how much you need to save and invest to reach these goals.
• Assess your current financial situation: Take stock of your income, expenses, debts, and assets to understand where you stand. This will give you an idea of how much you need to save, invest or spend to maintain a comfortable lifestyle.
• Prioritise your values and interests: Consider what aspects of your life are most important and what brings you the most joy. Allocating your resources towards these areas will contribute to your happiness and satisfaction.

Once you have defined your “just enough,” it’s time to implement this mindset into your financial plan. This involves balancing saving, investing, and spending that aligns with your long-term goals and values.

• Saving: While having an emergency fund and saving for specific goals is essential, remember that it’s also important to enjoy life now. Instead of obsessing over every penny saved, focus on building healthy savings habits and balancing saving and spending.
• Investing: As you work towards your long-term financial goals, don’t hesitate to take calculated risks with your investments. A well-diversified portfolio can help you reach your objectives without putting all of your eggs in one basket.
• Spending: Adopting a “just enough” mindset doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life now. Allocate a portion of your budget to discretionary spending, allowing you to engage in activities and experiences that bring you joy.

Achieving balance in financial planning means understanding that having “just enough” can be as good as having plenty saved up. By adopting a mindset of “just enough” and focusing on the areas of our lives that truly matter, we can create a financial plan to live a fulfilling and enjoyable life while still working towards our long-term goals.

Personal financial planning has become critical in shaping our lives and determining our future. However, many of us need help to make the right decisions and achieve our financial goals. The key to overcoming these challenges lies in harnessing and leveraging our strengths to create a life of our own design.

By understanding and embracing our strengths, we can replace apathy with passion and ambivalence with engagement, ultimately shaping a more authentic and fulfilling financial future.

The journey to financial wellness begins with recognising that we all possess unique strengths that can help us navigate the complex world of personal finance. Our strengths can be anything from our ability to save diligently to our aptitude for understanding investment strategies. However, knowing our strengths is only half the battle. The real magic happens when we make a conscious decision to utilise these strengths in our financial planning endeavours.

As F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, “It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.” This sentiment holds true for our financial lives as well. No matter where you are on your financial journey, there’s always room for growth and improvement. By engaging our strengths, we can create a life that aligns with our values, energises our behaviour, and moves us closer to our financial goals.

What is holding you back from maximising your strengths in your financial planning? Many of us avoid using our strengths because we fear fully committing and failing. However, it is essential to understand that failure is a natural learning process. Instead of fearing failure, we should view it as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement.

By using our strengths in our financial planning, we create a more authentic and empowered relationship with our money. Even if we don’t achieve our desired outcome, engaging our strengths can lead to personal growth and greater fulfilment. As a result, it’s crucial to shift our mindset and focus on the potential benefits of embracing our strengths, rather than the fear of failure.

The road to financial success is paved with all of our choices. By acknowledging the existence of these moments of choice and being prepared to step forward and embrace our strengths, we can create a more authentic and fulfilling financial future.

Let’s chat if you need help engaging your strengths in your financial planning. By asking the right questions, we can navigate a helpful journey of reflection and self-discovery, enabling you to make more informed and authentic financial decisions.

One of the reasons why so many people chase riches, relationships and reputation to define their value is that they haven’t been coached to understand that they can build a life of worth, value and meaning without relying on other people, positions or possessions to define them.

If we want to know how we add value to the world, we need to know what our values are. Discovering our character strengths is a building block of this journey; they make us who we are and give us a sense of purpose and meaning.

These strengths are positive aspects of our personality that others like, respect, and cherish. They are the qualities that make us unique and valuable and are essential to our well-being and happiness.

Ryan Niemiec and Robert McGrath, researchers in the field of character strengths, emphasise that when we express ourselves using these strengths in our thoughts and actions, we feel happier and more grounded. This is because character strengths help us engage fully in the present moment, connect with others, and find meaning in our lives.

Character strengths are different from our interests, passions, and skills. While these are important aspects of our lives, they are not the same as character strengths. Interests, passions, and skills may change, but character strengths persist across time and cultures. They are central to who we are and how we think of ourselves.

The Values in Action Inventory (VIA) is a popular tool for identifying and measuring character strengths. VIA identifies 24 character strengths that fall under six broad categories of virtues: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence. These virtues are not unique to any one culture or religion but are universal to human beings.

Wisdom consists of strengths that help us acquire and use knowledge, such as creativity, curiosity, and love of learning. Courage includes strengths that enable us to face challenges and adversity with resilience and determination, such as bravery, perseverance, and honesty. Humanity encompasses strengths that promote social intelligence and connection, such as kindness, empathy, and compassion.

Justice consists of strengths that promote fairness and equity, such as leadership, teamwork, and social responsibility. Temperance includes strengths that help us regulate our impulses and desires, such as self-control, humility, and forgiveness. Finally, Transcendence consists of strengths that help us connect with something larger than ourselves, such as gratitude, spirituality, and appreciation of beauty.

By identifying and cultivating our character strengths, we can enhance and protect our well-being to lead more fulfilling lives. When we use our strengths, we experience a sense of flow and engagement, leading to increased happiness, productivity, and creativity!

When it comes to financial planning, many believe that the ultimate goal is accumulating as much money as possible. However, this approach may only sometimes lead to a fulfilling lifestyle. Instead, it’s important to consider what kind of life you want and then create a financial plan that allows you to achieve that lifestyle.

As Chris Brogan said, “The goal isn’t more money. The goal is living life on your terms.” This means that financial planning should be about creating a life that makes you happy and fulfilled, rather than just accumulating wealth for its own sake. Together, there are a few key steps we can take to help you achieve this goal.

First, take the time to define what “living life on your terms” means to you. This could involve creating a vision board, writing out a list of goals, or simply spending some time reflecting on what brings you joy and fulfilment. In our meetings, we like to work through open-ended questions that help you recognise blind spots and remind you of goals you may have had earlier in life but have long since left behind. Once you have a clear idea of what you want your life to look like, you can create a financial plan supporting those goals.

One important aspect of financial planning is budgeting. It’s helpful to understand your income and expenses to create a budget that aligns with your goals. A budget, or spending plan, allows us to uncover opportunities to increase your income and enhance how you use it. The goal is to create a budget that will enable you to live the life you want without constantly worrying about money.

Another important area of focus for us is investing. Investing can help you grow your wealth over time, giving you increased freedom in the long run. However, investing wisely and choosing investments that align with your values and goals is crucial. This might even incorporate investing in companies that are socially responsible or that align with your personal values.

For all of us, it’s beneficial to be mindful of our spending habits. We can so easily fall into the trap of “keeping up with the Joneses” and spending money on things that don’t actually bring us happiness or fulfillment. By being mindful of spending and focusing on the things that truly matter, we can create a lifestyle financial plan that aligns with our values and allows us to live life on our terms.

For years there have been copious books, blogs and articles written on healthy time and energy management, and in today’s digital environment, it’s even more essential for success. Experts suggest a shift in how we approach our daily routines, starting with our emails and social media notifications. While our email inbox or WhatsApp notifications may seem like the most urgent priority, it can often lead to “energy zero” if we are not careful.

After running a quick Google search, some of the following stats became clear:

• On average, 28% of work time is spent on email
• We check email on average 11 times per hour
• 84% keep email open in the background while working

Email Apnea, a phrase coined by Linda Stone around 2014, is the temporary cessation of breath when we’re in front of a screen, especially when texting or doing email. This chronic breath-holding puts us in a state of fight or flight, affecting emotions, physiology and attention.

In the book, Manage Your Day-to-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus & Sharpen Your Creative Mind, the recurring advice across many of the 20 experts who contributed essays to the book was simple: don’t start the day by dealing with your email.

Instead, start the day by tackling the most challenging task first. This may seem impractical for some work environments, but we can apply it to any situation. For some, arriving at work early to carve out creative time could be beneficial. For others, it may require retraining themselves not to assume that the priorities of their inbox match their own goals and responsibilities.

Best-selling author and founder of The Energy Project, Tony Schwartz, suggests building energy renewal into our workday. Scott Belsky, co-founder of Behance, recommends allowing unstructured time between meetings to recharge and absorb what just happened.

By taking responsibility for our own time and energy, we can avoid letting email, social media or other reactive tasks blunt our focus. James Victore (yourworkisagift.com) writes, “We are losing the distinction between urgent and important—now everything gets heaped in the urgent pile.”

Taking charge of our priorities helps us filter distractions and plan focused time to use our energy and creativity wisely, and it can also make it easier for our family and colleagues to do the same. Before you begin your day with a race to reach inbox zero, take a breath and consider what’s most important for your day.

Staying motivated to change can be a challenge! It’s too easy to fall into old patterns and habits. 

It can be difficult to remain committed to change because change can be a complex process that requires effort, discipline, and perseverance. Sometimes, people need more motivation to change, and with a clear and compelling reason, it can be easier to stay committed. Negative self-talk, such as negative thoughts and self-doubt, can erode commitment and motivation.

Some of us fear failure, whilst others may simply resist change, as it requires breaking old habits and routines, which can be uncomfortable. Sticking to the plan isn’t easy, especially when faced with distractions, temptations, or other life challenges. Without support from friends, family, a coach or a support group, it can be challenging to remain committed to change.

It’s helpful to have a positive attitude if we want to persevere through these challenges. Articulating and tracking our goals is also a practical way to measure our success, continuously improve and stay motivated and committed to change.

By regularly monitoring our progress, we can identify areas where we need to make adjustments and course-correct if necessary. This helps increase the chances of achieving the goals and ensures that our efforts are always directed towards the most important tasks.

Tracking goals also provides a sense of accountability, as we are held responsible for our progress towards our goals. It encourages us to take the necessary steps to move forward and maintain momentum.

Moreover, tracking goals gives us the opportunity to celebrate achievements and recognise the progress we have made. Celebrating small milestones boosts motivation and helps keep us on track towards our larger goals. Many coaches believe tracking our goals is essential to ensure progress and staying motivated to change our lives, and make informed decisions.

When you feel the lethargy kick in, and you’re tempted to revert to unhealthy behaviours just remember that staying motivated to change requires effort and perseverance, but by focusing on progress, setting realistic goals, and creating a supportive environment, you can stay committed to the change you want to see in your life!

Do you often reach the end of your day and feel like, regardless of how busy you’ve been, you still don’t feel productive?

It’s all too easy to begin our day in our emails and allow all the interruptions of ‘urgent messages’ to run our entire day. These digital distractions can seriously affect our productivity. The constant notifications and easy access to social media and other websites can lead to procrastination, reduced focus, and decreased efficiency. It’s important to set boundaries and limit distractions in order to be more productive.

Asana, the project management tool, often talks about productivity on their website and in one article they share how digital distractions can be the arch-nemesis of deep work (focussed, uninterrupted work). 

According to them, distraction—especially of the digital variety—is more common than ever in today’s fast-paced work environment. At a time when 80% of knowledge workers report working with their inbox open and nearly three in four employees feel pressure to multitask every day, avoiding digital distractions can seem nearly impossible. 

However, minimising distractions is still doable with a few simple strategies: 

Turn off notifications.

Sounds, banners, and notifications flashing across your screen have a negative impact on focus and can quickly jolt you out of deep work. When you’re trying to focus, use Do Not Disturb mode or snooze notifications for your phone and any communication apps you use. Or to really disconnect, close your email and messaging apps completely. Remember that you can always check notifications during your next focus break.

Make depth your default.

Instead of living in a distracted state and wrangling your brain into focus mode to complete tasks, schedule focus breaks—times when you allow yourself to take a break and give in completely to distractions. You can use this strategy during your workday or in your personal life. For example, you could schedule a focus break after work when you’re allowed to browse the internet and scroll through social media—then turn your undivided attention to cooking dinner, watching a movie, or talking with loved ones.  

Choose your tools wisely.

According to Asana’s research, the average knowledge worker switches between 10 apps 25 times per day to do their work—and employees who switch between apps are also more likely to struggle with effectively prioritising their work. But just because a tool exists doesn’t mean you have to use it.

Lighten your tech stack as much as possible!

And, let’s not forget that one of the reasons all these interruptions exist is because of FOMO. We need to decide if we will let the fear of missing out run our day and leach our productivity, or if we will be ready to reduce digital distractions.

Digital distractions drain our creativity, our energy and our focus and the key to being more productive lies in managing them more wisely.

Our minds are extraordinary. The human brain has evolved to solve complex problems and successfully manage unexpected situations, and yet, coping is less about what is happening in the world and more about how our senses decipher the situation.

Perception is everything; this is why coping mechanisms focus on managing, reframing, or avoiding how we perceive triggers and stressors. Suppose our inability to cope is hindering us from enjoying a full life, achieving our goals, or causing hurt to others. In that case, we must adopt and adapt the best tools to overcome and reduce anxiety.

Depression and anxiety often co-occur, and many individuals with depression also experience symptoms of anxiety. In some cases, anxiety can lead to depression, and in others, depression can lead to increased anxiety levels. The exact relationship between depression and anxiety is complex and may be influenced by various factors, including genetics, life experiences, and brain chemistry.

For severe cases, you need to talk to someone and see a professional who can help. If you are feeling helpless, it will seem impossible to regain control of your mental health.

South Africa has one of the lowest mental health scores in the world. A 2022 Wits University study showed that 25.7% of South Africans are probably depressed, with more than a quarter of respondents reporting moderate to severe symptoms of depression.

Approximately 9.5% of American adults, ages 18 and over, will suffer from a depressive illness each year and more than 31% experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lifetimes. In the UK, the figures are around 8% for depression, and about 1 in 20 suffer from anxiety disorders.

A sudden onset of mild anxiety can be triggered by many things—from a significant event, like a death in the family, to everyday stressors, such as work or budget worries—but sometimes it can be caused by seemingly nothing at all—or even issues we are not consciously aware of.

Psychological research has proven the importance of relaxation as an effective technique for managing anxiety, recognising that we can influence our minds by taking control of our bodies (Strycharczyk & Clough, 2015). Here are two ideas if we are looking for an immediate interruption to a pattern of anxiety or even an unexpected onset.

1. Controlled distraction

Like self-talk, controlled distraction reduces anxiety by redirecting attention away from a negative situation. When a quick fix is required, take your mind off your anxiety by focusing on something that doesn’t cause stress. For example, before giving a presentation or having a difficult conversation, count lights or ceiling tiles, listen to music, or imagine being at a happy event.

2. The Mitchell Relaxation Method

According to positivepsychology.com, this technique involves flexing and relaxing specific muscles to increase awareness of body position, breathing, muscles, joints and where we might be holding tension. As we focus on this, we’re able to intentionally release somatic tension and increase our mindfulness, which helps reduce anxiety.

​​If we can see stress not as something to be shied away from but as an opportunity to embrace, we can live a more complete, authentic life. After all, although evolution has shaped our minds and bodies, we are free to choose how we react and behave. Overcoming challenges, pitfalls, and failures in life are just as crucial as celebrating the wins and enjoying happy outcomes. Stress can be a valuable force for growth.

It’s easy to feel like our lives are just a series of obligations – choices and decisions made because we have to, not necessarily because we want to. From paying bills and working 9-5 to attending continuous professional development seminars, family events and keeping up with the Joneses. When we view life through the lens of obligatory choices, we can feel frustrated, stuck and hopeless.

On his blog in 2019, Seth Godin wrote: “If it’s an obligation, then you don’t have a choice. Pretending you do is simply a way to create frustration. Free yourself to simply do what you have to do. On the other hand, if you do have a choice (and you probably do) then it doesn’t make sense to treat it as an obligation. Own the choice.”

He’s not actually talking about obligations and choices here; he’s talking about mindset. Whilst acknowledging that some things are as they are and we can’t change them, Godin reminds us that we can choose how we think and feel about our actions. Rather than blaming others, owning our choices empowers us to make different choices.

When we own the choice, we can change the choice. Then, it’s not because we have to, but because we want to.

But – we need to understand what’s happening when we make a choice. With every choice, there is a trade-off (or multiple trade-offs).

Saying yes to something generally means that we’re saying no to something else. When we accept the loss inherent in the choice, we can move forward with peace and clarity.  When we choose something, it is so easy to only think about what we get from that choice. However, by choosing something, we are actually letting go of something else.

Our lives, ultimately, are not merely down to chance but choice. We don’t have to stay stuck in a job we don’t want, or a relationship that’s unhealthy for us. We can change the situation by either changing how we think about it – or trading it for something entirely different. From debt to a dead-end job, from unhealthy eating to sedentary lifestyles, we can change because we want to, not because we have to. 

When we know what’s in the trade-off, it’s so much easier to find the motivation to become unstuck.