Category: Blog

Why do we say yes when we mean no? Why do we say no when deep down we wish we could say yes? These are questions that dig beneath the surface of our everyday choices, revealing the deeper, often hidden stories we tell ourselves.

In his insightful discussions, Dr. Gabor Maté highlights a core conflict many of us experience: we prioritise attachment over authenticity. Whether it’s in our relationships, careers, or even financial decisions, we often avoid being true to ourselves out of fear—fear of rejection, fear of judgment, or fear of losing connection. But at what cost?

Why we struggle with authenticity

At its heart, the struggle between authenticity and attachment is a universal human dilemma. From an early age, we’re conditioned to seek approval and fit in. This often leads to patterns of saying yes to things that don’t serve us, or no to opportunities that could bring growth, all in an effort to maintain connection or avoid conflict.

For example, imagine a friend asking you to lend them money. Deep down, you may feel uncomfortable—perhaps you’ve been burned in the past, or maybe you simply can’t afford to say yes right now. Yet, instead of honouring your boundaries, you agree, worried that saying no might damage the relationship. In that moment, attachment wins over authenticity, and while the relationship might seem intact on the surface, resentment can quietly take root.

The financial stories we tell ourselves

This internal tug-of-war isn’t limited to our personal relationships; it shows up in our financial lives, too. Think about the stories you tell yourself when making spending decisions. Are you buying the luxury car because it aligns with your values, or because you feel pressured to keep up with those around you? Are you saying yes to another family vacation because you truly want to go, or because you fear disappointing your loved ones?

Our financial behaviours often reflect deeper emotional needs—needs for acceptance, security, or self-worth. But when we act out of alignment with our true values, we not only jeopardise our financial goals but also lose sight of what truly matters to us.

The courage to choose authenticity

Choosing authenticity over attachment doesn’t mean abandoning connection or becoming rigid in your boundaries. It means finding a balance where your yes and no come from a place of honesty and alignment with your values. This shift requires self-awareness and the courage to confront the stories you’ve been telling yourself about who you need to be to belong.

Financially, this could look like rethinking your spending habits and asking, “Does this purchase align with my long-term goals, or am I trying to impress others?” It might involve having honest conversations with family members about holiday spending, choosing to prioritise savings over gifts, or setting boundaries when loved ones ask for financial support.

Living the truth of both yes and no

Authenticity doesn’t mean always saying no, just as attachment doesn’t always mean saying yes. It’s about being deliberate with your decisions and understanding the underlying motivations driving them. This practice can create a sense of empowerment—not just in your financial life but in every aspect of your well-being.

Dr. Maté reminds us that authenticity is not about isolating ourselves; it’s about showing up as we truly are, without fear or apology. When we let go of the need for constant approval, we open the door to deeper, more meaningful relationships and a financial life that reflects our true values.

Life is full of roadblocks. They come in many forms: an unexpected expense, a career setback, a strained relationship, or even just a sense of stagnation. At first glance, these challenges can feel overwhelming, frustrating, and even unfair. But what if we stopped seeing roadblocks as something meant to halt our progress and instead viewed them as opportunities to pause, reflect, and redirect?

Every obstacle we encounter forces us to ask important questions: Am I on the right path? Am I pursuing what truly matters? What is this roadblock trying to teach me? Often, the roadblocks that seem to hold us back are the very catalysts for growth we need to move forward—but only if we’re willing to reflect on them with an open mind.

Are You Reacting or Reflecting?

When we hit a roadblock, our first instinct is often to react. We rush to fix the problem or find a way around it as quickly as possible. But reacting without reflection can lead us down the same unproductive path, over and over again. Albert Einstein famously said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” To truly overcome challenges, we need to step back, gain perspective, and reconsider our approach.

Financially, this might look like an unexpected expense throwing your budget into chaos. Do you simply patch the hole with a quick fix, like taking on high-interest debt? Or do you use the moment as a chance to evaluate your spending habits and build an emergency fund? 

Reflection transforms a short-term inconvenience into a long-term improvement.

The Gift of Perspective

Roadblocks often highlight areas of our lives that need attention. Maybe a career setback reveals that we’ve been ignoring our true passions. Or perhaps an unexpected financial hurdle reminds us of the importance of saving and planning for the future. These challenges, while uncomfortable, offer valuable perspective. They encourage us to focus not just on where we are, but on where we truly want to go.

Take a moment to think about the last time you faced a roadblock. How did it make you feel? More importantly, what did it teach you? Reflection doesn’t just help us solve problems; it helps us understand ourselves better. 

It helps us identify patterns in our behaviour and make intentional choices to break free from them.

Turning Roadblocks into Stepping Stones

The key to turning a roadblock into a stepping stone lies in our mindset. It’s about seeing challenges not as failures, but as opportunities to grow stronger, wiser, and more resilient. This doesn’t mean the process will be easy—growth rarely is. But by embracing roadblocks as part of our journey, rather than interruptions to it, we allow ourselves to keep moving forward with purpose.

In financial planning, this mindset shift is particularly powerful. A bad investment, an unexpected job loss, or a period of market volatility can feel like insurmountable obstacles. But each of these moments offers a chance to reassess, realign, and rebuild. Maybe it’s time to revisit your budget, diversify your investments, or reevaluate your long-term goals. Reflection doesn’t just help you navigate challenges—it helps you emerge from them stronger and more focused than before.

Roadblocks will always be part of life, but they don’t have to define it. With reflection, they can become the stepping stones that lead you toward a more intentional, purpose-driven future. The road ahead may not always be smooth, but with the right mindset, it will always be worth travelling.

Holidays and special occasions often bring with them the joy of celebration, the warmth of shared moments, and the comfort of togetherness. Yet, for many, they also highlight the quiet ache of loss. Whether it’s the empty chair at the dinner table, the sting of a recent job loss, or the ongoing battle with a serious illness, these moments can magnify pain that is otherwise neatly tucked away in the everyday busyness of life.

Dr. Susan David’s words resonate deeply: “When we move from sympathy to empathy to compassion, we bring action to our intention. Being action-oriented doesn’t mean rushing in to fix. It can be holding space. Allowing for pain. Choosing to actively see. Instead of standing across the person in pain, we stand with them.”

Turning toward, not away, applies not only to how we support others but also to how we navigate our own pain and challenges, especially during times of emotional or financial stress. The inclination to avoid or ignore the difficult aspects of our lives is natural. Yet, true resilience is built when we face those challenges head-on with compassion and purpose, and this holds true when it comes to financial planning as well.

Consider the emotional and financial strain of losing a job. The initial instinct may be to shut down, to avoid facing the realities of altered finances and uncertain futures. However, turning towards the situation means acknowledging the immediate pain, understanding the new financial landscape, and beginning to map out a way forward.

This doesn’t mean fixing everything at once; it could mean reaching out to a financial planner for guidance, seeking emotional support from loved ones, or giving oneself permission to pause and regroup.

The same is true for other life-altering situations, such as dealing with a serious illness or grieving the loss of a loved one. These moments often come with unexpected expenses, shifts in financial priorities, and emotional upheaval that can cloud decision-making. During these times, financial planning might seem secondary, but it’s essential. It’s not just about numbers; it’s about creating a sense of security that allows space for healing.

Empathy in action is acknowledging that it’s okay not to have all the answers immediately. Financial planners can play an invaluable role by holding space for clients, not just as professionals guiding numbers on a spreadsheet, but as partners who stand with them in their time of need. This approach transforms financial planning from a transactional service to a relationship built on trust and compassion. It’s about helping people make informed choices, even when faced with life’s greatest uncertainties.

As we approach these special seasons that can stir both joy and sorrow, let’s remind ourselves that financial planning is not solely about wealth accumulation. It’s about creating a life that holds space for all of our experiences—the good, the bad, and everything in between. It’s about having a plan that adapts when life doesn’t go as planned and knowing that we have the support we need to navigate whatever comes our way.

So, this season, whether you are celebrating or simply making it through, remember that turning towards your situation with empathy and compassion—both for yourself and those around you—can be the first step toward healing, stability, and a more secure tomorrow.

Have you ever noticed how a conversation with people who share your views can make you feel more strongly about what you already believe? Legal scholar Cass Sunstein captured this phenomenon perfectly when he observed, “What we know is if you get groups of like-minded people together, they tend to end up thinking a more extreme version of what they thought before they started to talk.”

This observation isn’t just about politics or social issues – it’s particularly relevant to how we think about and plan our finances.

Think about your own financial circle for a moment. Who do you talk to about money? Your colleagues who share similar salaries and lifestyles? Friends who have the same investment approach? Family members, who passed down their money beliefs to you?

While these conversations feel comfortable, they might be creating an echo chamber that reinforces existing beliefs and biases rather than challenging them.

Consider Natalie, a successful professional who was convinced that property was the only worthwhile investment because everyone in her social circle was a property investor. It wasn’t until she encountered a diverse financial planning team that she realised she’d been viewing her financial future through a narrow lens. By opening herself to different perspectives, she discovered a world of opportunities she hadn’t previously considered.

The danger of financial echo chambers is that they can lead to:

• Overlooking potential opportunities
• Dismissing valid risks
• Reinforcing unhealthy money habits
• Missing out on innovative financial strategies
• Failing to adapt to changing circumstances

But here’s the good news: we can break free from these echo chambers. Here’s how:

Seek Out Diverse Perspectives
Just as a healthy diet requires various nutrients, a healthy financial mindset needs diverse inputs. This might mean reading different financial authors, following varied experts, or engaging with people who have different approaches to money.

Challenge Your Assumptions
When was the last time you questioned your fundamental beliefs about money? Maybe you believe “property always goes up” or “the stock market is too risky.” Where did these beliefs come from? Are they still serving you well?

Embrace Constructive Disagreement
Sometimes, the most valuable financial advice comes from someone who disagrees with us. Instead of dismissing contrary views, try to understand them. What insights might they offer? Questions we can’t answer are often far healthier for us than answers we can’t question.

Work with a Financial Planner
A good financial planner doesn’t just echo what you want to hear. We bring diverse expertise and perspectives, challenging your assumptions when necessary while supporting your goals.

Consider Cultural and Generational Perspectives
Different cultures and generations often have varying approaches to money. These differences aren’t right or wrong – they’re opportunities to learn and adapt our own financial strategies.

Question the Crowd
Just because “everyone” is investing in cryptocurrency or buying rental properties doesn’t mean it’s right for your situation. Sometimes, the wisest financial moves aren’t the most popular ones.

Remember, the goal isn’t to abandon your financial beliefs entirely, but to enrich them with diverse perspectives. It’s easy to get caught in echo chambers, actively seeking balanced financial advice might be one of the most important investments you can make.

After all, the best financial decisions often come not from confirming what we already believe, but from being open to what we might learn from others.

Wherever people are involved… it’s not uncommon for conflict to arise—whether with loved ones, colleagues, or even within ourselves. At the heart of many of these conflicts lies a common thread: a worldview shaped by scarcity.

We may think that conflicts are purely situational, stemming from disagreements or unmet expectations, but more often than not, they go deeper. They reveal a story of feeling like we don’t have enough, aren’t enough, or aren’t receiving enough.

Scarcity, in this context, is more than just a lack of resources—it’s a mindset. It’s a subtle, pervasive belief that there isn’t enough to go around. This belief can shape how we think about time, money, love, and success. It fuels the fear that we must compete for limited resources, leaving us feeling anxious, defensive, or even combative.

When we look at money behaviours, we often find that scarcity thinking plays a significant role. Scarcity might manifest as the fear of never having enough savings, leading to overly restrictive budgeting or, conversely, impulsive spending as a way to feel temporarily abundant. Or perhaps it’s the persistent worry that our investment strategy won’t measure up, leading us to make erratic decisions based on fear rather than logic.

The problem with this scarcity worldview is that it doesn’t just impact our wallets; it spills over into our relationships, work, and overall well-being. When we’re operating from a place of scarcity, every disagreement or unexpected financial challenge feels like a personal threat.

The result? We react with fear, frustration, or defensiveness, further deepening the cycle of conflict.

So, what if we dared to shift our perspective and embrace an abundance mindset? What if, instead of focusing on what we lack, we celebrated what we have and trusted that more will come our way? While it might sound overly simplistic, too spiritual or even idealistic, shifting to an abundance worldview can radically change how we interact with money, and consequently, how we engage with life.

An abundance mindset invites us to see opportunities where we once saw limitations. It’s not just about believing there’s enough money, time, or love in the world; it’s about trusting that we are enough. When we truly believe that we have the resources, resilience, and worth to face life’s challenges, the way we approach financial planning, relationships, and goals shift.

Adopting this new mindset doesn’t eliminate fear entirely—fear is a natural human emotion—but it helps us approach it differently. Instead of letting fear dictate our choices, we acknowledge it, understand its roots, and choose to act from a place of trust and clarity.

This way, fear becomes a signal for growth rather than a barrier to it.

In practical terms, adopting an abundance worldview might mean being more intentional with how we manage our finances. It might involve setting realistic, value-driven financial goals rather than chasing arbitrary milestones. It could mean openly communicating with a partner about shared financial aspirations, framing conversations around what you can achieve together rather than what you might fall short of.

The scarcity mindset thrives on comparison, insecurity, and a relentless pursuit of ‘more.’ But when we choose abundance, we choose to acknowledge that what we have is enough, that who we are is enough, and that life itself is abundant in opportunities to grow, connect, and thrive.

Next time a financial worry arises or a conflict brews, take a pause and ask: Am I approaching this from a place of scarcity or abundance? The answer may just change how you navigate not only your financial journey but also your life.